You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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