I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
