HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
