She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
