When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
