So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
