saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my shit smells like andre
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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