Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
