every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
