Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
