Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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