he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
