Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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