Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she told me i tasted like america
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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