All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
