I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
