need another drink. this is the easiest way
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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