Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
