singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
