let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
