Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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