Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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