i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
