How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
