He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize