Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
