So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
