I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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