I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
