I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
