Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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