what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize