U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
