Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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