I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
