the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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