my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize