I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize