saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
