My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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