Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
