I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
