the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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