Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
