Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
