Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
