Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
