my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
