now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
