I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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