cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
