Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
