i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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