He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
