just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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