i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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