Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
