when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
