When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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