i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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