You can't motorboat a personality
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
