ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
