I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
