I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
