don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
