Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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