3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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