he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
