bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
