i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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