we have officially lost it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize