i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
