Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
