And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sex in a hospital.. check
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize